Breakthrough

I recently was asked to speak at a Powerful Journey Conference at Hope Center in Plano. As I was preparing, I seemed to encounter an age old nemesis: self awareness. My husband heard me practicing from his adjacent office, and weighed in with an observation of his own about my presentation.

“You know the material, and your thoughts are organized but unfortunately it is not the real Holly.” All of the past frustrations from previous speeches came rushing back. It was true, I had unconsciously elevated the form of the talk and my presentation of it above God’s purpose in it. He was attempting to stir the hearts of the women I was speaking to as well as free them from their own sense of inadequacy and old patterns. I faced the fact that I also would have to be delivered into a fresh new way of conveying God’s message.

I pondered the fact that words are empty and fruitless unless there is a heart connection. Alan had also shared that I was just to tell my story in a conversational voice. Yes, sometimes it is more exciting than other times and your voice may vary but just humbly, vulnerably share your story and help others identify he had said.

Meditating on these truths and Alan’s input help break off that last stronghold of performance that seemed to be hanging on for dear life. Rote memorization and fear of failure also fell to the ground. It was time to trust the Holy Spirit to carry me and remind me of everything He had taught me. Even the thought of nervousness reminded me that I was focusing on me again not God’s message and the women I needed to be praying for.

I felt a fresh awakening to stop staring at the barrier but concentrate on becoming a carrier of His word.

My thoughts of the previous days were interrupted by the keynote speaker, Marshawn Evans, repeating,

“It is not about you, but those you are assigned to.” I threw caution to the wind and felt a new freedom emerge as I entered my workshop in the chapel, secretly clinging to this scripture inside:

“Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced, Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.”  (Is. 50:7)  by Holly Smith