As my husband and I were preparing to leave on a trip to Israel, I awoke one morning, recalling a dream. I remembered hearing a booming voice ask a question: “Do you want to be Sweet’N’Low or Equal?” Little did I know, God was announcing his agenda for me for our upcoming trip. I squirmed as I began to sense what this might mean, because I dreaded conflict. From early childhood, I had been taught to be submissive and obedient to those in authority. My anxiety stemmed from the fact my parents divorced when I was 17, having never uttered an unkind word in our presence. Was a similar land mine buried in my marriage?
Alan, on the other hand, ruled the house like a Gestapo, with a high degree of control and dominance in the early days of our marriage. I knew he would be upset if I became more assertive.
The dream mentioned both Sweet’N Low and Equal, popular sugar substitutes at the time. God seemed to be suggesting my husband needed an equal partner, not an artificial sweetener. He was both awakening and stirring up a resolve in me that each of us had a calling, our futures were intertwined and my strength was required for the joint ministry he had planned for us.
We arrived exhausted in Jerusalem after a laborious journey. Alan napped the next day, while I went to the Holocaust Museum. On the way, an impression grabbed my attention, “Gideon’s Ambush.” This seemed to refer to the biblical account of Gideon cowering from the call of God. Oh no! I realized God was launching a frontal attack on Alan’s iron fisted rule. I was required to speak up.
Arriving at the museum, I stared at the depictions of brutality and horrors perpetrated against the Jews and realized; this is the end result of ungodly rule and passivity.
As I returned to the hotel, Galatians 4:8-9 came to mind. “Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. 9 But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?” (NIV)
No, I did not.
I returned and shared with Alan the sense of suffocation, repressed anger and belittlement I had endured as a result of his control. Initially, he was upset, but God continued to reinforce directly to him that he must surrender control and allow me to flourish. I could no longer be subject to Alan’s fears.
We had an enjoyable dinner that evening, despite the tension of the earlier conversation. That night I had two dreams. In the first I got a new Thunderbird! I also dreamed I sold some puppet dolls in a garage sale. I wouldn’t need those anymore. I was free to soar, having left childish things behind!
Are you making a valuable contribution in your relationships or just passively keeping the peace? God needs our honest input. I learned the difference between serving God and serving fear.
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